Expectations

Since the day we're born, we've been carrying a lot of expectations. Expectations to talk, to walk to be a good child of our parents. When we finally realise we are also capable to demand for things from our parents/friends/etc, we then start building our expectations of others too.

Is expectation a good thing or a bad thing?

There are two different ways that we can look at expectations, one is to take it as a constructive feedback and start building / improving oneself to meet that expectations. Take it as a challenge to raise oneself to a higher level. However, if expectations are deemed over or too much, it will bring negative impact such as arguments, stress and may even cause depressions and worst of all insanity. (sounds very scary huh?) I wonder if it will ever go that bad.. but it happens in movies.. hahah..

When we are in relationship, then there are also expectations that we get from our spouse. I was googling last nite and i found this article that i find very interesting... it has got 10 tips to maintain a happy relationship. I find it applicable for maintaining a good relationship not just with your partner in life, but with your family as well. Here it goes...

Tip 1: Cultivate the ability to compromise
Bring up your ideas and brainstorm it with your partner/family.

Tip 2: Routinely express love
I particularly find this one interesting. A friend of mine ever asked me, have you ever said "I love you, dad" to your dad before? I replied no. I told him there is no need to. My dad knows that he is the number man in my life. Then when i read this article it finally made me realise how wrong i was. The article came with a story of a man who had been married to a wonderful woman for 25 years. One day he found her crying in their bedroom. "What's the matter", he anxiously asked. "I'm feeling very sad becuase when we were dating you told me you loved me. Now you never say that to me," she explained. The husband responded:"Look, I married you 25 years ago and told you then that I loved you. If anything had changed since then I would have told you!" While there may be some humour in this legendary story, the greater truth in that story is this: love withers and dies because it cannot endure indifference. Relationshops flourish and expand when they are filled with daily expressions of love and affection. <--- This I cannot agree better. Tip 3: Say "Please" and "Thank you"
Simple courtesies strengthen and deepen any relationship. So if someone asked you to do things without saying "please" or "thank you", remind them to say the "magic" word... :)

Tip 4: Share sorrow
Be receptive and sensitive when your partner/family is experiencing a hardship. Set everything else aside and be there to listen, to share and to care. "Your tears run down my face, too. Your suffering aches inside my heart as well. I share your wounded place".

Tip 5: Establish and maintain rituals which promote closeness
A lot of us are busy with work, but we should always set some time on a regular basis to renew relationship. My family and I agreed have family vacation at least once a year. So far, we've been going for vacation three times a year, sometimes four.

Tip 6: Be mindful rather than mindless
Pay attention to the other's emotional needs, desires, wishes and expectations. Be responsive and responsible.

Tip 7: Apologise, apologise, apologise
Acknowledge your flaws and respond to your human imperfections by simply saying "I'm sorry". A simple and sincere I am sorry keeps a relationshop free of emotional clutter. When you are quick to apologise to each other, it creates the ability to live in the present and not restricted by events of the past. Of course, when someone does offer an apology, be quick to accept it graciously, soften your edges and open your heart.

Tip 8: Be a BETTER listener
A lot of times we think that we are a good listener. Here are some ways that we can improve our listening / communication skills and be a better listener
- offer your undivided attention
- put yourself in your partner's shoes
- interpret the meaning behind the words
- listen with deep love
- evaluate the information rather than judging
- respond in ways to show you value your partner's point of view

Tip 9: Expect some struggles, but deal with them
Whenever you hit a rough patch, just sit down and thrash it out. Don't quit trying - communicate, and work at it. Don't let disagreements fester. Say "You know, we're going to make this thing work. It's so valuable and precious, when you do make it work, you're really glad you did"

Tip 10: Depart and reunite with loving gestures
If you're going to be away, be sure to show gestures of love before and after you are back.

I learnt a lot from reading this article. There are a lot of good articles in the website. For more, you can visit: www.womanslifeins.com

I would like to conclude this discussion with a passage from the bible.

Corinthians 13
Love is patient, Love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects always trusts, always hopes, always preserves.

written on 20th January 2007

Comments i received:
from Narnia
Good reading. Definitely needs to put effort into making a relationship work. ^ Love never ends, correct, but it always evolve.
January 29 3:11 AM(http://calgarycity.spaces.live.com/)

from Elvin Hii
Love never ends......
January 26 8:37 AM(http://elvinhii.spaces.live.com/)